latest obsessions

There are some things I am obsessed with at the moment.

Kathryn Townsends' gorgeous paintings...



http://kathryntownsend.blogspot.com/

This video of Kristen Bell on The Ellen Show talking about her birthday gift. I absolutely love her now! What show/movie is she in, because now I must catch up on Kristen... ;)



Also obsessing about living the jet-set lifestyle of an Interior Designer (in-training... so probably not quite as glamorous...). Except that I haven't actually applied for the job. And it's Full Time, which doesn't really seem to fit in with my (thoughts of my) role as wife & momma. And knowledge of AutoCadd is required. I don't know AutoCadd (YET, but really I could learn it and very quickly, right?). I pulled together my resume and I have come to a complete stop. I'm scared, and for no reason because SERIOUSLY in a town that has a college with an interior design program, I have very small chances of getting this job. It's more deep than that -- I'm scared because I'd be leaving behind a part of my personal values. I think I should stay home, for Josie. I want to walk her to school, I want to pick her up from school, I want to take her to gymnastics, I want her to be able to have a friend over to play after school. I don't want her to have to go to daycare or someone else's house for the rest of the day. And, the age-old question, What do you do with a tween during the summer while you're at work??? And, since I'm asking questions, riddle me this: Am I really Work-at-Home material??? I miss interacting with others. I miss getting out of the house. I miss doing a good job and helping people achieve their goals. I have had a vision of a Co-op Design House, where freelance designers of all kinds -- graphic, photography, interior, architectural, web, whatever -- come to work and hang out and interact and inspire each other. It could be a pipe dream, or I could be onto something. I am half-hearted-ly graphic designing here at the house, and something's missing.

I'm going to hop in the shower now that I've got 15 minutes left before I go have lunch with Josie at school. I might actually wear Jeans today (gasp!) ;)

til next time,
a

Amber who?

Remember when your mom used to forego buying herself anything and just spend money on you? I’m totally there. I’m buying my kid cuter clothes than myself. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I’ve become a little nostalgic for the old me the past couple of months, and the old me knew how to shop. Don’t get me wrong --- I’m buying things, but they’re boring things. Black yoga pants, fleece jackets, tshirts… Day to night things, except by night I mean sleeping in my bed… When did I get so lazy?

So, Project Me begins…

First order of business, be happy on the inside. 3 take aways: Gratitude, spiritualism, and health. When I make these a priority, life falls into place for me, and I can focus on the present moment which makes a person happy.

Second, is finding something that will work on my face, so I can wear a bit of makeup again. I’m going to try the Norwex washcloths to see if they will take makeup off my face without me having to use a cleanser… My skin doesn’t like cleansers-toners-moisturizers, so if I can remove the makeup with a microfiber cloth, I might not break out, or so my thoughts are... I’ll keep you posted on how THAT goes…  

Thirdly (just because that’s a funny word), I need some clothes and accessories. Oh boy do I need some new clothes and accessories*. I’m on the style hunt, and I’m pinning things like crazy on Project Me.

*and let’s not forget Step 3.1: How do I tweak the budget so that I can actually GET some new clothes and accessories… 

-amber

Ees been avile.

It’s been awhile. Maybe it was the blandness of the summer ashy haze that made this summer a little bleak, but I’m ready for Fall and some excitement.

The day before school started, our doggy died. I still can’t talk about it without choking up. It’s silly, I know. But she was the best 4-legged creature there ever was. So full of love for us, that dog was. I think that’s what I miss the most. I was Very Important to her. And she loved me even when I was cranky. She drove me crazy with the morning surprises of doggy-vomit down the heat vent by the back door and honestly my carpet has never been cleaner, but I’d take it all back for one day just to properly say goodbye to her and to make sure she knew just how much I loved her. I guess that’s the lesson in life – don’t take advantage of the things around you, be them big things like your loved ones or small things like a fast computer… which I do not have right now, and am currently coveting…

I’ve decided that Perfectionism = Anxiety. (and consequently, Anxiety = Grumpy...)

I’ve also decided that I’m getting the band back together! Band as in graphic design. I’ve taken time off, I’ve pursued other various pipe dreams, but my life gets led straight back to this point. I think God’s trying to tell me that I’m meant to be a visual communicator. How exactly this will play out I don’t know, but I’m trusting Him that this is the path to take. I’ve got a list of clients building up again – a lot of new contacts that I’ve never worked with before.  

I’ve also been asked to paint a picture. It is sort of one of those various pipe dreams I was talking about earlier. I imagine that someday I will get enough paintings together, and I will have a gallery show somewhere. I can honestly say I have very little focus when it comes to big ticket dreams like this. In fact, I also want to write a book. And be a children's photographer. And pay off our mortgage. And do some of those cool things I find on Pinterest. Damn you, Pinterest!!!

So all in all, I need a healthy shot of organization (and laughter – I need a night out, involving some good beer and good friends!). Life can be pretty overwhelming when you have everything on your mind all at once (and it all gets so stinking serious in my mind -- does that happen to anyone else?). I’ve got my datebook, and I’m sorting out my time slots for work, volunteer, and play (play, play,and some more play). 

I love to last-minute panic about what to make for supper and see what I come up with. It's kind of a sick obsession of mine. I found a delightful crust-less quiche that is uninspiringly named Picante Potato Pie. Don't let the name fool you, it's actually quite good. I just cooked it for 45 minutes right away instead of letting it sit in the fridge overnight and cooking for 30. It was a hit with the husband -- eggs, potatoes & bacon. But light and all the tastes melded together well. 

-amber

Livin' in a Parallel Universe

#1 My fire alarms won’t quit going off today and they’re driving me insane.

#2 I’ve decided I’m going to live in Churchill, MT. Sure, it’s quaint- quiet- has spectacular views, but it’s the crazy sh*t that I’m always driving past that makes me want to live there in a bad way. The absolutely ridiculous situations, like passing a guy on a bicycle pulling a little trailer… with a cooler on it… with a dog’s head sticking out of the lid’s hatch, AND while seeing this, trying not to run into an errant goat bouncing in and out of the road, baaah-ing it’s cute little head off. THOSE are the type of things that make me tick. I’m very sorry I do not have a picture to post of this. So I will include an illustration of my own that will not do it any justice…

it was pure awesomeness.

#3 I’ve also decided what house I want in Churchill. I need to come up with an extra $200,000 before I can convince Tim we can buy it… and how I’m going to do that I have absolutely no idea, but mark my words, I Will Have That House. I will post more about this later…

#4 ugh, WHY do they make fire alarms SO LOUD??? (yes, I know why, but there should be a better way of overriding the system to get them to STOP!!!)

#5 My dryer quit and I was able to get it fixed for $111. The diagnostic fee was $75 alone – Ka-ching! I happened to ask the manager at Vanns what brand he suggested (for when I have to buy a new set because Maytags are not what they used to be) and he told me Speed Queen, because they are industrial/commercial grade machines for home use and never come back in for repairs. Thought you might like to know.

#6 My TV also quit (it was free and was the old ‘boob tube’ and was losing it’s picture, but it was FREE). I went shopping and of course spent a little more than I had intended. Vanns had a 43” Samsung Plasma for $450. That’s completely ridiculous. I remember when they were 10x that. Also got some big-daddy surge protectors because I think that River Rock has some major electrical issues.

#7 My printer still doesn’t work, which is annoying, but I spent all my fun $$$ on my new TV.

#8 The True Value by the mall in Bozeman has unassembled fold-up Adirondack chairs for $30 apiece. BUT, I spent all my fun $$$ on my new TV. (Are you picking up the possibility of buyer’s remorse???)

#9 I got my fire alarms to quit. Thank you, God, for my smart husband who loyally calls me back when I am in trouble.

#10 I have been commissioned! To paint a picture! This is very exciting stuff!

be cheerful.

What a beautiful poem. Enjoy :) amber

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann, 1927

(Latin for "Things to be Desired")

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, 
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, 
be on good terms with all persons. 
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; 
and listen to others, 
even to the dull and the ignorant; 
they too have their story. 
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; 
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, 
you may become vain or bitter, 
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. 
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; 
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, 
for the world is full of trickery. 
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; 
many persons strive for high ideals, 
and everywhere life is full of heroism. 
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. 
Neither be cynical about love, 
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, 
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, 
gracefully surrendering the things of youth. 
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. 
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. 
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, 
be gentle with yourself. 
You are a child of the universe 
no less than the trees and the stars; 
you have a right to be here. 
And whether or not it is clear to you, 
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, 
whatever you conceive Him to be. 
And whatever your labors and aspirations, 
in the noisy confusion of life, 
keep peace in your soul. 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, 

it is still a beautiful world. 

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

ode to yoga pants

I traveled hours out of town on Saturday and again on Monday, and where did I shop? A thrift store, an antique store, and Old Navy (WHY did Bozeman have to lose their Old Navy???). Some may say that it’s tragic that I had Dillards and Herbergers at my fingertips and I chose Old Navy to shop at, but I’ve got a budget, fashion police. I have come to embrace that I am a t-shirt and jeans (*ahem* yoga pants) sort of gal. I love knit jersey. I’d say I’m comfortably low maintenance as far as my clothing is concerned. The fashionistas out there might say I’ve given up. But, alas, I’m straying from the point of this post…

I’ve been very hard on myself as painting is concerned. I’m listening to those thoughts in my head that tell me I’m not good enough. I see paintings by masters who are still alive (for some reason, I think that the late masters’ levels of painting are unattainable… maybe because they had complete focus to produce their art, and we have cell phones, internet and tv to muddy our concentration?), and compare my talent to theirs. Apples to oranges – not quite fair.

Case in point: I recently finished a painting for a local competition with the final drop-off time only 3 hours away. I sat there for 1 FULL HOUR arguing with myself, “Who am I fooling to think I am good enough to enter a painting for this contest, in an art town like this?” I finally told myself to Shut Up, and I DID enter my (very wet) oil painting. Finishing the whole goal gave me the biggest boost to my confidence I’ve had in a long time. I completely forgot about the actual contest-part of the whole deal till yesterday, when I was relating my insecure moments to my friend. Where do we learn to berate ourselves so badly???

So proud of myself I clicked a pic of my painting on the way to the drop-off.

It is so much easier on our mind to choose a path that doesn’t hurt, that doesn’t make you stretch, something that is safe and comfortable. And here in lies a funny twist: Stepping outside your comfort zone doesn’t mean stepping outside your values or your core beliefs. (It took me awhile to get this… and honestly it took me awhile to figure out what my values and beliefs were.) If something doesn’t feel right and you’re making the decision to gain someone else’s approval, it’s probably going against your personal belief system (I should add that this is a *note to self*).

I’ve made bad decisions in life, career, relationships, etc – all to impress someone else. Mistakes have been made, lessons have been learned, and now I wear yoga pants everyday because they’re comfy and I’m tired of dressing in jeans to run around town when I know I’m going to come home and change anyway. Who am I out to impress? I’ve got a kid to play with, a house to clean, a lawn to mow, a canvas to paint, and a bike to ride.

On a DIY note, I saw this cami yesterday at American Eagle with a rectangular doily/hanky whipstitched to the front – we laughed because it looked like a cami with a doily on the front... but SERIOUSLY  –  I just passed up a dozen of precious doilies at the thrift store. I want to go back and pick them up. My eyes are now open to the possibilities to a doily...

-amber-

sahm I am

I don’t know if I’ve consciously made the decision to be a stay at home mom (sahm), but here I am 6 years later, still at home, not being able to bring myself to prescribe to a fulltime job. I like to fancy what it would be like, from the comfort of my therapeutic ball chair in front of my computer. “Interior design firm seeking design assistant proficient in SketchUp.” Oooh, that sounds like fun – I could learn SketchUp! “Executive Assistant for a realty development firm.” I’d be a kick-butt executive assistant!

But reality comes crashing down and I think of the intricacies of having a being a Mom With a FullTime Job… Afterschool daycare? Summer daycare? And what do you do with a tween during the summer when you have to go to work and they’re too old for daycare but too young to stay home alone??? What about those absolutely beautiful days where it’s a darn shame to be locked up inside an office (can you tell I've worked for myself at home before)? I just can’t wrap my brain around these dilemmas, so I stay home and try not to spend money instead.

I have really bad time-management when I’m at home, too. Internet surfing is the biggest. Job classifieds, Pinterest, Facebook, Etsy, local realty listings, yes please! I could be cleaning the house, making freezer meals, working on art projects, but no – I’m sitting in front of my computer fantasizing about a life that I don’t have. Pinterest and Etsy are the worst for me. I can spend hours looking at DIY projects and handmade products, and then berate myself for not coming up with those ideas FIRST, and subsequently get NOTHING done and feel worse for it. Quoting Einstein loosely, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting different results.” I have become insane, looking for the perfect life.

(I'm a sucker for information graphics)

Instead of fighting the sahm role, I could embrace it (novel idea). I could paint and draw, refine my natural talent. I could keep myself in check by writing more blog entries. I see a summer ahead of me that could be full of proactivity (is that even a word?) or a non-scheduled mess of not-living-in-the-present. So, here it goes, *ahem*

“Hi, my name is Amber, and I have lived without a schedule for almost 10 years now. It’s a sick disease but I am facing the fact that I need an outside structuring force. Left to my own devices, I get nothing accomplished. Oh, and while I'm up here in front of y'all, I might as well add that I want a Full Time Job paycheck without the Full Time Job. Thank you."

So, today, amongst having lunch at school with Josie and bringing our dogger Abby to show-and-tell, I give myself two to-dos.

Task 1: Write down the things I want to accomplish this next week, the remainder of May, and this summer.

Task 2: Vacuum. Seriously.

-amber-